Leslie Green
Leslie Green is a man of unknown age (400-4000 years) who lives in a small cave near the coast of the village called Finechty. Early Life As Leslie is not pure human (88% Finechty), he emerged from an egg in the year 50000 B.C. Leslie fought for his survival agianst the dinosaurs using his bear fists and his sheer beauty. When Leslie was approximately 24 years old, he found a radioactive egg which contained his lifelong companion, Finechty the radioactive komodo dragon. Together, Leslie and Finechty formed a wrestling tag team known as "Pussy Destroyers" and went around killing litterally everything in sight thus causing the extinction of the dinosaurs. As the "Pussy Destroyers" were not human they managed to survive the harsh conditions of living in the open through deserts, oceans and the ice age. In exactly the 20th of April 2000 B.C, the "Pussy Destroyers" found a small indentation on a wall. Leslie stuck his penis in this hole causing the wall to burst down revealing a wide open space. Leslie then renovated the area and is still there to this day known as the "Finechty Caves". Mid Age life Once the "Pussy Destroyers" had finished decorating the "Finechty Caves" with a couch, a drawing of a penis hanging on a wall and a rock formation in the shape of a pentagram, it was safe for them to call it home. One day a man that looked surprisingly like leslie only with a mullet and a leather coat walked into the caves. He shouted at Leslie "Youve got no fans, Youve got no ground." and left the premises. This man is to be known as "Weslie Red", Leslies arch nemesis. Despite the fact that it was in the 2000 B.Cs, Leslie behaved like an avarage middle aged man. Had a wank then cried himself to sleep while stroking his bald head. This was Leslies daily routine untill the 1940s where he joined the Brittish army to fight in World War II. During the war, Leslie was forced to eat mouthfuls of sand everyday as he thought it was the only thing available even though he was right next to a food bank. Everyone who was working along side leslie in the war said he was "A fucking bellend retard cunt." In 1945 while Hitler was hiding ready to shoot himself, Leslie snuk into his house and watched his every move. Leslie then emerged out of the shadows and said "Hello my names Leslie whats your name?" Just the sound of Leslies voice caused a trigger in Hitlers brain causing the frontal lobe of his brain to fail, instantly causing his death. Once the war was over, Leslie was awarded a nobel prize for killing Hitler. Leslie ate this nobel prize which gave him terminal 7 brain cancer, causing him to go into a coma for 45 years. When Leslie awoke from him coma, he was greeted by finechty, who gave leslie a random dick he found in the back of the cave and a dead body he called "Tina". Leslie saw this as a sign and fucked the everloving shit out of this body and then broke its legs in some sort of satanic ritual. As it was 1985, Leslie and Finechty formed together for one last time as the "Pussy Destroyers" to take on Hulk Hogan and Mr. T in Wrestlemania for the WWE Championship . The match was successful as when leslie won the match, he was quoted on shouting "Fuck all you trelks im the real green!" and ran out with the championship crying for some reason as Finechty had a giggle to himself while hanging from the roof by his acidic tongue. The "Brak of 87" The "Brak of 87" begun after leslie bought a sledgehammer to help make finechty a room in the caves, as he slept in the living room before. While leslie was smashing down the cave wall, some youngsters or "ruffians" has he described them as, walked past the cave shouting "Ewww look its leslie how ugly!". These comments enraged leslie to the point that he started dancing aggressively. Leslie pulled out his hammer and started to chase the youngsters down the coastline of the village "Finechty". He shouted his world famous catchphrase "Ill brak your legs!" as he caught up with the youngsters. Leslie swung the hammer at their legs with such aggression, that not only did their legs "brak", leslies hammer also "braked". This is the first time leslie ever broke someones legs so locals named the event "The Brak of 87" Chernobyl On 26th April 1986, the Chernobyl Disaster occurred. Many theories circulate around the internet about why it happened, but this is the true story. Leslie caused the meltdown. At approximately 9:02 AM, Leslie Green checked into work. Leslie's co-worker, Joe Wright, had mysteriously not checked in that morning. At approximately 11AM, shortly after his mid-work wank, a meteor crashed into the nuclear reactor he was surveying. He panicked and jizzed in his pants, creating the song himself. He grabbed a fork and stuck in into the meteor, breaking his Watermelon Student Oaths in the process. The meteor let out a squeal. Leslie screamed with joy "FINECHTY ITS YOU!" He pulled Finechty out of the core, but it was the only thing keeping the core stable, causing a meltdown. The fork which was stuck in Finechty flew into the core and Crawford, Finechty's arch-nemesis. Crawford is a third Finechty, third fork and third pure radiation. For only the second time in the history of the universe, Wesley Red met Leslie Green, and laughed at him. Leslie cried and his tears blew up Chernobyl. Wesley and Crawford we blown away to Mars, where they lived for a year before hijacking a space voyager with only a rubber band. They returned to the sewers of Liverpool by the Mersey when they got back to earth. Joe After Chernobyl happened, Leslie returned to his home of the caves. Finechty smelled that something was wrong so he went to investigate. After a grand total of 2 minutes and 37 seconds, Finechty came across the local Keystore. He found a bright green wheelie bin (This bin will become relevant in another section) and oached aggressively at it. The man that owned the Keystore came out side and screamed, "Get out of here you filthy creature mmmmmmmmmmmmm." After finechty fell into the harbour, (the mmm man we shall call him.) heard screaming coming from said wheelie bin. He approached the bin and said "Is anyone there mmmm?" The lid burst open, smacking the mmm man right in the face, knocking out his front teeth and giving him a concussion. Leslie sprinted up to the mmm mans unconscious body. He looked down at the mmm man, laughed and kicked him in the bollocks. Leslie walked up to the bin. The bin jumped up, slamming down with such force onto Leslies head which caused Leslie to scream "Im concussed!" The force of the bin also caused leslies face to stay in the same position for the rest of his life. Once everyone was unconscious, Finechty emerged out of the harbour like the godzilla movies, and came up to the bin. He pulled a baby out of the bin which had a note attached to it. The note read. "This failed abortion is a fucking disappointment. I dont want this fucking piece of shit in my life and i wish eternal depression onto which ever sad fuck gets him now." The baby was wearing a nappy made up of £500 pound notes. Finechty named this baby "Joe" as it was the only human word he could say other than "Leslie" or "Trelk". Finechty took Joe back to the caves and treated him as his own son. Leslie was unconscious for another 15 years... Italy It was now 2005 which was a dark time. Unfortunately at this time we had the existence of Karl. Once Leslie had regained conciousness he regognised Joe as his son for some reason to which Joe responded, "Omg daad." Leslie realised that his years had been wasted, rotting away in a filthy shitty ass cave. Leslie took the crew down to Italy for a short holiday. Once they arrived, Leslie felt quite peckish.